nightmare!

Oh I just woke from the most horrible dream I have had in quite a while. I dreamed I began my first day of school this year and had nearly 30 children in my class. But they weren't the sweet 7 year olds I was expecting. Well they were 7 but they were all 4 and 5 feet tall! I tried to get the day started but was at a loss as to what to do so I started a movie on the active board and the next thing I knew the bell was ringing for the day to be over. I must have fallen asleep at my desk. The kids being new to the class hadn't MOVED. Not to go eat, not to go to the bathroom, nothing. Then the principal comes in, asks me if I got our first day stuff done, I tell her no while I am trying to stop the movie but instead multiple pop up windows keep showing up on the screen. Oh the noise level was atrocious! The kids were up trying to leave all at once, I didn't have any of their papers as to how they were suppose to get home, or all of the other papers I am suppose to get from them on the first day of school. So the principal is in total disbelief and very disappointed. I am feeling more overwhelmed than I nearly ever have. One little/big boy is doing the pee pee dance and saying he needs to go but doesn't know where, then a chorus of the rest of the class starts to do the same thing and complain because they haven't gotten to go or to eat and they are hungry. The next thing I know with all this STILL going on, the custodian brings in a large metal desk and places it in the front of the classroom and then just walks out. I step to my door while the after noon announcements are going on overhead, while my Principal is still talking to me with her visitors in tow, the kids are talking/screaming/crying I ask a teacher friend across the hall for some help and she just says to me, well you did volunteer for it and then asks me if I got the kids first day writing sample completed. I turn back into my doorway and there is this girl laying on the floor in a black adn white strawberry shortcake looking outfit, complete with the hat, dress, tights, etc. holding a black and white spiraled cane with a red strawberry on the end of it. She smiles up at me and says, "Hi, I'm your new co-teacher." My face must have reflected my dissappointment, anger, resentment, and all the other negative feelings I was having at that time because she said to me, "well you dont' have to hate me, it's not my fault, I was put her by your principal." It did however explain to me why I had 28-30 kids in the class but still! I just wanted to cry. Next thing I know the kids are pouring out the door, I am franctically trying to get their transportation papers and my principal is inspecting the old radiator behing my desk, pulling out old food containers, bags, etc. She blames me for putting the stuff in there but I absolutely never did it. Then I look away, am so ready to walk out and quit and then I wake up with this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach! Sheesh, what a dream! Be glad those of you who have children, you only have 1 or 2 because as a teacher, I have yours plus about 20 others for 8 hours of the day. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but then there are realistically days similar to this dream when I don't. I only hope this is a dream and not a reflection of what is to come for me next year :(

What is it about summer vacation...

What is it about summer vacation that takes me back to childhood? Is it the mornings of sleeping in? Staying up late watching B movies? (Like Purple Rain) Eating PB&J sandwiches? I don't know but it is making me nostalgic for those '80's. Crazy like watching the smurfs. I have the urge to have an '80's sleep over to celebrate. I have fought and fought going back to that time. Every time an '80's song comes on the radio I yell for the station to be changed because I just didn't want to go back there. Why is it now that I don't mind revisiting it? Oh the memories are sometimes sweet but also painful. The awkwardness and embarrassment is mostly what comes to mind. I try to laugh but at the same time begin to cry.

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...

On Wed, Mar 4, 2009 at 2:43 PM, Edwina Wood wrote:

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. T urning to her daughter, she asked, 'Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting throug h the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter.

'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their w orst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are the greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg. or a coffee bean?

Dear Mom,
Thank you for this letter. It took me a few days to finally open it up and read it but it seems to have been at the right time for me to read it. As I read each description, I would think, "Oh, I am the carrot, but then maybe the egg, but I don't so much feel like the coffee most of the time." I am taking a look at my world and the problems I perceive to be overwhelming me. I am trying to change my point of view as well as the problems as I perceive them. I am learning to be more thankful for what I have instead of focusing on what I may be losing. I know we have all been told to prepare for the worse but I am not so sure that is always the best way to look at a future bad situation. What may be perceived as the worst may actually be a hidden best, but if I prepare for it to be the worst, well then it probably will be. I am trying to change what is in my spirit and accept what has been put before me. I am tallying up what I feel are my troubles and I am writing out their solutions so that whenever they start creeping in my mind to cause me grief, I can say to them and myself, "You are no longer a problem, you are a solution. You are a new challenge/adventure/project and I can handle you." I keep telling myself that I am looking forward to meeting these and marking them off my list and eventually throwing this list out. If in the future I have to make a new one then I will but these issues won't be on it. I feel I have been vulnerable in the past and have let others influence me in my emotions. I have had time within my self created shelter to listen, ponder, and think upon all that has been going on. I am reborn anew with new strength within my soul and heart in my spirit. I am me and I now know who that is. I was the carrot, I was the egg, but now I am a strong, black coffee bean ready to brew any boiling water that comes my way. Thank you for your care, concern, and most of all your help as I went through this change. I love you.

So life changes and either you change with it, or it changes you. (Yes I know that seems like a redundant statement but those of you with a philosophical mind will understand what I am saying.) I am in the process of a metamorphosis right now. A bit of limbo. I said I would only write positive thoughts and feelings on this blog so this isn't necessarily a bad thing but right now I am not sure if it is a good thing but I feel the need to write about it. I know I have made most of you feel a little alienated and I apologize. I am not sure how I will come out of this transition phase. I just thought, nay expected, that life would get easier once I got out of school and I had a better place to live but it's only become more complicated really. I cannot point to one thing in particular that has made it so, more like a lot of things.

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."

Christmas and the New Year

Well Christmas was a HOOT! It's always fun when our family gets together. We just have too much silliness and cavorting going on to take life too seriously at times. When we get together we are all kids again. This break has been wonderful and just what I needed. I am looking forward to this upcoming year and I am hoping it will bring as many good things as this past year has. As I reflect on what has come to pass this year I am so thankful for all that I have in my life: The best family in the whole wide world (I really don't think there is another family out there who could be closer than we are when we can get together.) I know you are thinking, "Well I wonder if that includes me?" Of course it does! If you are with me and we are having a good time together. Friends and family alike, we all come together for the same reasons, to love, laugh, and live life to it's grandest. On a similar note, I totally am still madly, insanely, and passionately in love with my perfect partner in life and am so glad everyday when I wake up and he is there beside me. I think the hardest thing I may have to do in this upcoming year is to be without him while he works somewhere else. That will be my biggest challenge, more so than college or teaching ever was. I can't even think about it. This is a happy blog so I won't talk about it.

Back to happy bunny thoughts... I should keep this short, it's not a novel you know, it's a blog. So anyway, thanks to all of you, my family and friends for sharing such a glorious year with me and here's hoping the next one will be even grander! CHEERS!

Happiness is...

watching a marathon of the BBC's "How Clean is Your House" and feeling good that your house is cleaner than those on the show and not feeling guilty about sitting on the sofa watching a full day of tv and NOT cleaning the house :)

Another happy day

The sun is shining, the weather is nice, the birds are singing and life is good.
I had a wonderful pasta for lunch, completed my daily workout, and am listening to the fountain flowing.
Yesterday was Mother's Day, we took mom out to eat and enjoyed just sitting out on the front porch watching the chipmunks play.
I finished reading The 5 People you meet in Heaven, and am currently reading the first book in the Harry Dresden series. I am also reading The 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Blue Bear. It is a funny book. And that is all for today.

Ok I thought about it

I am not sure if I will have time to keep a blog, life is really pretty hectic overall. It could be fun but then who would read it? It also seems to me that from the majority of blogs that I have seen they are really just forums for people to rant and complain. Very little to nothing posted is positive. Maybe that is what I could post, all the positive aspects of my life :) That would make sense since I am a happy go lucky little elf!

Ok, so positive action #1 I made yummy yummy popcorn in the microwave and it didn't burn! Yea!

So that is the start to my blog here on the Bunny Lair. Positive thoughts... Happy thoughts...

Life is really gonna be good thoughts...

bye bye bunny bunny bye bye

I'm thinking about it...