Do not be afraid

Do not be afraid. You must be mindful. Open up, be helpful within your community. Limit finding fault, judge not others. Look at others openly to see their true self. SMILE often, laugh. Trust in yourself. Believe as you know you can. Set goals, be determined. Finish what you begin - unfinished work clutters the mind, occupies your thoughts and weighs you down. As you clean your house, clean your mind. Focus on the task and relate it to something that is troubling you. A clean house equates to a clean mind and a fresh spirit. Find harmony.

This is only the first steps of a long new journey. Seek others and communicate, do not shun away but embrace what they reveal to you. Take it slow, there is no rush. Build a solid firm foundation out of knowledge. Study and grow through both mind and spirit. You must find what you lost. Find your inner peace. Keep it with you always. Make the best of what you have emotionally and the rest will come or it won't matter. Find your spirit, embrace it and there is where you will always find happiness and joy!

Why do we watch movies that make us cry?

I understand why we watch movies that make us laugh, scare the crap out of us, and keep us on the edge of our seats but why, WHY? do we watch movies that evoke such emotions to make us cry? I have a list of movies I totally know better than to watch because it is inevitable that I can go through an entire box of tissues if I do so. I know the ending, I know what happens, it doesn't change and yet I watch, hoping but by the end, I'm a blubbering, emotional mess.

Thoughts on Dreams...

If you breath you dream... every exhalation releases a small part of a dream that came true. Every inhalation is a part of a dream you are still holding on to or the beginning of a new one.

Dreams come in the form of a wish... I wish therefore I dream.

You have the power to make someone else's dreams come true... how often do you do it? It's not magic but it can seem that way to someone else. Magical. Mysterious. A dream come true.

You can share your dreams with others. Are they secrets? Do dreams come true if you keep it a secret? Why do we keep our dreams private at times.

Our dreams change. When our dreams do come true, how often is it just like we imagined it? Dreams change based on circumstance. What I dream of today may not be what I dream of for tomorrow.

What are you dreaming of right now, with every breath, every heartbeat...

I Found It!

I found it! I found what takes me to my HAPPY PLACE!! It's anything Disney. The music, the cartoons, the movies, I just love it all and it puts such a smile on my face. It makes all my troubles seem to disappear and life so simple again. I need to infuse my life with EVERYTHING DISNEY! I have been doing exactly what I said I didn't want to do... grow up. I need to think and act like a child again. Return to Neverland, take Peter by the hand and fly away and NOT come back. It was so simple and I guess that is why I didn't realize it before. I put all my Disney in the closet, turned off the light, and closed the door. I can so relate to Michael Jackson who never wanted to really grow up, he just wanted to be a kid because in his heart that's what he was. I understand MJ, only you were in the spotlight where your life was on display. I can live my adult childhood in relative privacy. I don't have kids because I am still a kid and what would I do if I had a child, I think it would be a constant struggle because then I would HAVE to grow up and that really is the last thing I want to do. Grown ups are boring, stagnant, and have too many rules. I can still be very responsible and yet still be free to have fun, play, laugh, and be creative. It's how you live that keeps you young at heart. People stress too much. Children look at life in a much simpler way. It may be a very self centered way in some aspects but they also care very much for others who are nice to them, they care about the world around them and are ever curious about it. But they are not going to stay around things that bring them down, depress them, or cause them grief. Of course this is why I have some problems in my job because I understand how the children feel and what they want and I have the conflict of having to be the “adult” and enforce the rules but I try to keep the rules simple and for their safety but to in no way stifle them or their freedoms which they deserve. Now, don't take this the wrong way, I am the responsible adult/teacher in the classroom, that is my work time and I love it and what I do and I don't think that I would be a good teacher if I couldn't/didn't relate to the children.

Anyway, let's get back to that happy place (because let's face it, work isn't always a happy place for anyone, well unless maybe they work at Disney World, but even there you have bosses and it's a job at that point).

Let's just see and hope I can stay here for a little while longer... (3 weeks at least) Why 3 weeks you ask? Because in 3 weeks school starts back for me.

Laugh often , love always, find the music in your soul, and be silly just one more time....

nightmare!

Oh I just woke from the most horrible dream I have had in quite a while. I dreamed I began my first day of school this year and had nearly 30 children in my class. But they weren't the sweet 7 year olds I was expecting. Well they were 7 but they were all 4 and 5 feet tall! I tried to get the day started but was at a loss as to what to do so I started a movie on the active board and the next thing I knew the bell was ringing for the day to be over. I must have fallen asleep at my desk. The kids being new to the class hadn't MOVED. Not to go eat, not to go to the bathroom, nothing. Then the principal comes in, asks me if I got our first day stuff done, I tell her no while I am trying to stop the movie but instead multiple pop up windows keep showing up on the screen. Oh the noise level was atrocious! The kids were up trying to leave all at once, I didn't have any of their papers as to how they were suppose to get home, or all of the other papers I am suppose to get from them on the first day of school. So the principal is in total disbelief and very disappointed. I am feeling more overwhelmed than I nearly ever have. One little/big boy is doing the pee pee dance and saying he needs to go but doesn't know where, then a chorus of the rest of the class starts to do the same thing and complain because they haven't gotten to go or to eat and they are hungry. The next thing I know with all this STILL going on, the custodian brings in a large metal desk and places it in the front of the classroom and then just walks out. I step to my door while the after noon announcements are going on overhead, while my Principal is still talking to me with her visitors in tow, the kids are talking/screaming/crying I ask a teacher friend across the hall for some help and she just says to me, well you did volunteer for it and then asks me if I got the kids first day writing sample completed. I turn back into my doorway and there is this girl laying on the floor in a black adn white strawberry shortcake looking outfit, complete with the hat, dress, tights, etc. holding a black and white spiraled cane with a red strawberry on the end of it. She smiles up at me and says, "Hi, I'm your new co-teacher." My face must have reflected my dissappointment, anger, resentment, and all the other negative feelings I was having at that time because she said to me, "well you dont' have to hate me, it's not my fault, I was put her by your principal." It did however explain to me why I had 28-30 kids in the class but still! I just wanted to cry. Next thing I know the kids are pouring out the door, I am franctically trying to get their transportation papers and my principal is inspecting the old radiator behing my desk, pulling out old food containers, bags, etc. She blames me for putting the stuff in there but I absolutely never did it. Then I look away, am so ready to walk out and quit and then I wake up with this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach! Sheesh, what a dream! Be glad those of you who have children, you only have 1 or 2 because as a teacher, I have yours plus about 20 others for 8 hours of the day. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but then there are realistically days similar to this dream when I don't. I only hope this is a dream and not a reflection of what is to come for me next year :(

What is it about summer vacation...

What is it about summer vacation that takes me back to childhood? Is it the mornings of sleeping in? Staying up late watching B movies? (Like Purple Rain) Eating PB&J sandwiches? I don't know but it is making me nostalgic for those '80's. Crazy like watching the smurfs. I have the urge to have an '80's sleep over to celebrate. I have fought and fought going back to that time. Every time an '80's song comes on the radio I yell for the station to be changed because I just didn't want to go back there. Why is it now that I don't mind revisiting it? Oh the memories are sometimes sweet but also painful. The awkwardness and embarrassment is mostly what comes to mind. I try to laugh but at the same time begin to cry.

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...

On Wed, Mar 4, 2009 at 2:43 PM, Edwina Wood wrote:

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. T urning to her daughter, she asked, 'Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting throug h the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter.

'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their w orst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are the greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg. or a coffee bean?

Dear Mom,
Thank you for this letter. It took me a few days to finally open it up and read it but it seems to have been at the right time for me to read it. As I read each description, I would think, "Oh, I am the carrot, but then maybe the egg, but I don't so much feel like the coffee most of the time." I am taking a look at my world and the problems I perceive to be overwhelming me. I am trying to change my point of view as well as the problems as I perceive them. I am learning to be more thankful for what I have instead of focusing on what I may be losing. I know we have all been told to prepare for the worse but I am not so sure that is always the best way to look at a future bad situation. What may be perceived as the worst may actually be a hidden best, but if I prepare for it to be the worst, well then it probably will be. I am trying to change what is in my spirit and accept what has been put before me. I am tallying up what I feel are my troubles and I am writing out their solutions so that whenever they start creeping in my mind to cause me grief, I can say to them and myself, "You are no longer a problem, you are a solution. You are a new challenge/adventure/project and I can handle you." I keep telling myself that I am looking forward to meeting these and marking them off my list and eventually throwing this list out. If in the future I have to make a new one then I will but these issues won't be on it. I feel I have been vulnerable in the past and have let others influence me in my emotions. I have had time within my self created shelter to listen, ponder, and think upon all that has been going on. I am reborn anew with new strength within my soul and heart in my spirit. I am me and I now know who that is. I was the carrot, I was the egg, but now I am a strong, black coffee bean ready to brew any boiling water that comes my way. Thank you for your care, concern, and most of all your help as I went through this change. I love you.

So life changes and either you change with it, or it changes you. (Yes I know that seems like a redundant statement but those of you with a philosophical mind will understand what I am saying.) I am in the process of a metamorphosis right now. A bit of limbo. I said I would only write positive thoughts and feelings on this blog so this isn't necessarily a bad thing but right now I am not sure if it is a good thing but I feel the need to write about it. I know I have made most of you feel a little alienated and I apologize. I am not sure how I will come out of this transition phase. I just thought, nay expected, that life would get easier once I got out of school and I had a better place to live but it's only become more complicated really. I cannot point to one thing in particular that has made it so, more like a lot of things.

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."

Christmas and the New Year

Well Christmas was a HOOT! It's always fun when our family gets together. We just have too much silliness and cavorting going on to take life too seriously at times. When we get together we are all kids again. This break has been wonderful and just what I needed. I am looking forward to this upcoming year and I am hoping it will bring as many good things as this past year has. As I reflect on what has come to pass this year I am so thankful for all that I have in my life: The best family in the whole wide world (I really don't think there is another family out there who could be closer than we are when we can get together.) I know you are thinking, "Well I wonder if that includes me?" Of course it does! If you are with me and we are having a good time together. Friends and family alike, we all come together for the same reasons, to love, laugh, and live life to it's grandest. On a similar note, I totally am still madly, insanely, and passionately in love with my perfect partner in life and am so glad everyday when I wake up and he is there beside me. I think the hardest thing I may have to do in this upcoming year is to be without him while he works somewhere else. That will be my biggest challenge, more so than college or teaching ever was. I can't even think about it. This is a happy blog so I won't talk about it.

Back to happy bunny thoughts... I should keep this short, it's not a novel you know, it's a blog. So anyway, thanks to all of you, my family and friends for sharing such a glorious year with me and here's hoping the next one will be even grander! CHEERS!

Happiness is...

watching a marathon of the BBC's "How Clean is Your House" and feeling good that your house is cleaner than those on the show and not feeling guilty about sitting on the sofa watching a full day of tv and NOT cleaning the house :)